LESSONS MY FATHER IN LAW TAUGHT ME I first met my father in law in Feb 1996 when Raymond brought me to JB to be introduced to his family. Raymond and I met in Jakarta where we were both working for different companies then. So this particular trip to JB was a mixture of homecoming for Raymond, an introduction to his family for me, and a beginning of a forging of families. So many questions swirled in my mind: How will my in future in laws receive me and how do they look like? As we reached their home, I saw an elderly man standing by the gate obviously waiting for someone. When I had a good look at him, the first thing that came to my mind was: “So this is how Raymond will look like when we grow old.” Such was the resemblance of father and son! And in the 16 years that I have known my father in law, the resemblance did not stop at the physical. It extended even to their character. For this, I have so much to thank my father in law for. One of the things that concerned me early on was a possible clash of cultures and expectations for the obvious reason that Raymond and I come from different cultural backgrounds and upbringing. However, this has never been an issue with my father in law whom I also call “Ah Kong.” Not once did he impose upon Raymond and myself his ways or views about starting and raising a family despite him being a loyal chinaman from China. Some of you may have probably heard my husband say that I’m Ah Kong’s favorite daughter in law. How can that be when we can’t even communicate at length, save for our broken bahasa Melayu? I’ll let you in our secret. Ah Kong and I communicated with our hearts. He is not a very touchy-feely kind of person, but I still went ahead and gave him hugs and planted kisses on his head. He may not have been comfortable with it in the beginning, but he got used to it and never complained. I’d like to think he liked it because he later would gladly let Raymond, the kids and I attack him with hugs and then more hugs. How did I become his favorite daughter in law? Apart from marrying his only son, I looked, observed and took lessons from him. Here are some of the lessons I learned from my father in law: Lesson # 1: Love your children unconditionally. He loved his children, Raymond and Poh Ling, without abandon- that’s why they are so filial to him. Lesson # 2: Listen with a quiet understanding and affirm your spouse and children. Then they wont go seeking approval from somebody else and the wrong crowd. Ah Kong was living proof that a few but wise words go a long way than what a lecture can convey. He sought to understand first then encouraged instead of judging and be dismissive. Lesson # 3: Know and be aware of what’s happening around you- read the newspaper and turn to the news channel. Ah Kong was always current. He can talk about politics, the economy and sports. He also acted as our weatherman for he knew the weather condition. I remember him meeting me at the door one day and anxiously told me that there was a landslide in the Philippines. Lesson # 4: Put your family’s security and safety a priority. Turn on the lights at night and check the locks. Ah Kong used to do this for the longest time and in clockwork precision: 6:00pm everyday- rain or shine. He was our in-house security guard. Lesson # 5: Be generous with the things that count. Conversations with family, prayers and wise counsel. And ang pao, too. Lesson # 6: Give God your highest praise and regard. He is one of the oldest folks in his church, but he would remain standing throughout the worship time even though it must have been tiring at some point. That was his way of honoring and acknowledging God’s presence. During our home bible study, he would join in even if he didn’t understand English. But he knew we were talking things of God. And that’s what matters most to him. Lesson # 7: If you don’t know how to cook Chinese food-Learn! He himself learned how to cook because my mother in law was not a fan of the kitchen. He later became good at it and I have enjoyed some meals prepared by him before. I would like to thank Carissa and Auntie for unselfishly teaching Chinese cooking to Riza, Susette and myself. Ah Kong gave me brownie points for this! Lesson # 8: Patience is a virtue. This is hallmark Ah Kong and a virtue that is still a work in progress for me, but a lesson well taught and exemplified by Ah Kong. Just think about watching Disney channel and cartoons with Joshua… Lesson # 9: Trust and respect the people around you. Ah Kong, even during his most critical and trying times, put his trust in the people that cared for him. He didn’t complain about the poking, fasting, waiting and the bumpy ambulance rides, for he knew that they were all rallying for him to get better. At the ICU, he asked my husband to remember to take care of the people who took care of him. Lesson # 10: Be grateful. My father in law was always a positive person because he had a thankful heart. This was evident when he reminisced on the sometimes difficult past, but concluded with satisfaction that now his family is A1. When we are thankful for whatever circumstances thrown our way, something good always comes out of it. His grateful heart is written in his smiling face and people remember that of him. The lessons are endless from a man that never stopped giving and teaching. And I know that even if he is physically gone, his legacy will go on in my husband, my children and myself. Papa, thank you for raising a good son. Not only do I know what he will look like when we grow old – I also know that he will take your mantle and grow old wise, loving, generous, gracious and forever loving the Lord. Just like his father.