My dearest beloved Abba No words can express my grief over the loss of my Abba. Abba means father in Hainanese. Many people would wrongly assumed that my Abba was my grandfather. This is simply because he was much older than the typical fathers of my peers in school. I was born when my Abba was 51 years old. I cannot find any fault with Abba even if I try hard. My beloved Abba is my strength. Abba never caned me. He never spoke harshly towards me. He was always exceptionally kind to me. He thinks the moon of me. He is always praising me to others. He is just simply too good. He believed in me. At the end of August of last year, Abba fell at the house and I quickly brought him to the hospital. At that time, he was hemorrhaging from a ruptured liver. The doctor told us that he has only 6 hours to live. This wrecked havoc in my mind. I told God that this cannot be. He is not meant to die like this. There were no indication that Abba has any disease prior to this. The doctors performed an embolisation at the ruptured liver and stopped the bleeding. He recovered well from the bleeding episode. Further tests indicated however that Abba has a metastasised colon cancer. The cancer had spread to his liver. Our dear friend, Dr Karmen Wong, who is an oncologist was quickly consulted. At the onset, she was not in favor of giving any treatment for a 95 year old man. She finally relented and started a series of chemotherapy treatment for my Abba. The chemo treatment was highly successful and kept the tumor from growing and kept my Abba going the next 13 months. Early this month Abba had to be hospitalised as there were suspected blood in his stool. Further test indicated that Abba started bleeding from his colon tumor. We were all at a loss on what to do. I spent all the time with Abba at the hospital to find a solution. After considering several options, Dr. Karmen Wong was able to stopped the bleeding using a drug that clots the blood. The bleeding did stopped. Last Thursday, we lost Abba and the cause of death was not due to bleeding of the tumor but due to pneumonia. Let me explain why I take this fight very seriously. At the age of 12, I had been afraid to lose Abba. My fear of losing Abba was so great that I would cry into the night begging God to preserve Abba and keep him going. You see, Abba was my strength. He had always been. He was my strength since I was young. I had to beg God to preserve him so that I can have strength. At the age of 15, I had a most strange dream. In the dream, I saw Abba sitting at the edge of his bed and he was holding a cigarette and puffing away. I saw myself taking a knife and plunging the knife into his heart. Immediately upon doing that, there was a deep remorse and I quickly tried saving him. In order to save him, I quickly removed the cigarette from his lips. I woke up immediately. I asked God the meaning of the dream as it was indeed a very strange dream. The word that I heard from God was to tell my father to quit smoking and if I did not do so, he would surely die. That morning I told my father that God said to him to quit smoking. From that day onwards, he quit smoking and never picked up a cigarette again. Because he believed God, he was given an exceptionally long and blessed life. That is the reason why I would never believe that Abba will die due to an illness such as cancer or any illness for that matter. Last week however I spoke to Abba and asked him if he was afraid. He said emphatically No! He is not afraid. I also asked him if he was contented with his life. He answered me emphatically with a YES! He is very contented. The bible tells us in Psalms 91: 16, With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. The bible tell us that God will give his servants the length of days till he is satisfied. I believe, he had indicated to God that he is now satisfied and he is ready to go home. Abba came from China in his early twenties. His mother sold some of their ancestral land to send him to Singapore like many other Chinese. Life was very difficult in the early days. He worked hard to provide for us. Abba in fact did more than provide for us. He was my strength. He had always been my strength. When I was a child, each time I was sick, Abba would stay by my side until I became well. Abba showed me many important values in life. He showed me his selfless acts time after time. Abba showed me love. True fatherly love. As early as I understood words, Abba would tell me how much he loved me. He say it all the time. Abba believed in me. Long before I graduated and long before I started the business, Abba would tell me that I would be a success. He never said it in such a way that was a burden. He never said it to motivate me to be a success. He just simply believed in me. He said it simply because he believed in me. Abba never asked anything in return. Abba never caused trouble for others. During the Japanese occupation he worked in the canteen serving food for the Japanese. There was an occasion where another clan stole money from the Japanese. He refused to tell on them even at the risk of his own life. By doing so, he saved their lives. His philosophy was not to cause harm to anyone. He cause no trouble for anyone. He never cause trouble for his family. Even in his old age, he would fold his used clothes neatly and bring to the kitchen for the helpers to wash. Abba showed me patience. He was perpetually the kind and patient man. I have several siblings from my mom's first marriage. My half sister, who is the step daughter of Abba recounted that while she was a child, each time she takes medication, she would throw up. And each time she throws up, Abba would quietly and patiently clean up. No fuss, no scolding each and every time. Abba showed me faith in God. He is a true man of faith. He believed God and quit smoking on account of God. He never smoked thereafter. Abba showed me perseverance. You see, his entire life was a life of perseverance. He was born during the First World War. He lived through his prime during the Second World War. He just pressed on and moved along. Never was he a man to complain about his lot in life. Even at the hospital bed, never did he ever felt sorry for himself. He always had a positive outlook in life. Last week after he woke up from his sedation from Colonoscopy, his first word was, I got through again. Finally even in his passing on, Abba showed me how to love God. Last week I was overwhelmed by my love for Abba. The deep emotion I have for him grew stronger and stronger. I realise now that it is indeed possible to love Abba even after he is gone from here. I can love his spirit man, not only his memory. He is real. In the same way, I can learn to love God, the Spirit God because our Heavenly Father is real and He is truly very good to me. He gave me my Abba. I want to thank all of you for sharing into the life of my Abba. Your comforting words and your kind thoughts and your kind words make it easier for me and my family. Today, however I must grief BUT it will only be for a season. I will grief for the passing on of Abba but I will also begin to learn to celebrate my new way of loving my Abba who is now a spirit man. Now I don't need to be afraid anymore. My Abba will never ever die again and He shall always be my strength.